Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud, John Townsend
In Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life
, Drs. Henry Cloud and J
...
Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud, John Townsend
In Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No, to Take Control of Your Life
, Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend provide a biblically based framework for establishing personal "property lines" that define who you are and where your responsibilities end. Originally published in 1992, the book has since been updated for the digital age to address modern challenges like social media and constant connectivity.
Core Concepts and "Laws"
The book is structured around defining, applying, and developing boundaries to protect your physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being.
- Definition of a Boundary: An invisible property line that marks the things for which you are responsible, distinguishing your own feelings and actions from those of others.
- The Ten Laws of Boundaries: These are foundational principles, such as the Law of Sowing and Reaping (actions have consequences) and the Law of Responsibility (you are responsible to others but for yourself).
- Types of Boundaries:
- Physical: Determining who may touch you and under what circumstances.
- Mental: The freedom to have your own thoughts and opinions.
- Emotional: Disengaging from the manipulative emotions of others to protect your own heart.
- Spiritual: Distinguishing God’s will from your own and guarding your values.
Relational Applications
Cloud and Townsend dedicate significant portions of the book to applying these principles across different relationship types.
- Family and Parents: Establishing boundaries between adult children and parents often improves the relationship by fostering mutual respect.
- Spouses: Helping partners understand where they disagree and how to respect each other's "no" without losing intimacy.
- Workplace: Setting limits on overtime or availability to manage time and energy effectively, preventing burnout.
- Children: Teaching children to take responsibility for their own actions and emotions through consistent discipline rather than punishment.
Expert and Reader Reviews
While widely praised for its practical utility, the book receives mixed feedback regarding its theological and cultural focus.
- Empowerment and Clarity: Reviewers on Amazon and Goodreads frequently describe the book as "life-changing," particularly for "people-pleasers" who struggle with guilt when saying no.
- Christian Framework: Many readers appreciate the biblically grounded answers to tough questions, such as "Can I set limits and still be a loving person?". However, critics from sites like 9Marks argue it sometimes overemphasizes boundaries at the expense of gospel-centered self-sacrifice.
- Practicality: Experts on Blinkist highlight the use of relatable, real-life stories to illustrate the impact of boundary-related choices.
- Target Audience: Some readers note the examples are often geared toward a middle-class audience and may require cultural adaptation for broader relevance.
Major Online & Physical Retailers
- Amazon: Offers the Updated and Expanded Paperback for approximately $19.13, with Kindle and audiobook versions also available.
- Barnes & Noble: Carries the Hardcover for $29.99 and the paperback for $22.99.
- Walmart: Frequently offers the Paperback at a competitive price of around $13.13.
- Target: Lists the Hardcover edition for about $16.86.
Specialized & Discount Options
- Christianbook.com: Often provides the best discounts, with the Trade Paperback priced near $13.12 and the Hardcover at $21.99.
- ThriftBooks: A reliable source for used copies, with prices starting as low as $4.31 for pre-owned versions.
- BoundariesBooks.com: The official site sells the softcover for $13.99 and the hardcover for $18.89.
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